Tuesday, 9 December 2008

The Man Rules


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, we
hear the guy's side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear the rules from the female side, now here are they are
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note – they are all
numbered `1' ON PURPOSE!

  • 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
  • 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
    up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
    complaining about you leaving it down.
  • 1. Saturday sports: it's like the full moon or the changing of
    the tides. Let it be.
  • 1. Crying is black mail.
  • 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle
    hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not
    work! Just say it!
  • 1. `Yes' and `No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
    question.
  • 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girl friends are for.
  • 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  • 1. If you think you're fat you probably are. Don't ask us.
  • 1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one
    of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  • 1. You can either ask us to do something, OR tell us how you
    want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just
    do it yourself.
  • 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.
  • 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do
    we.
  • 1. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default
    settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is
    a vegetable. We have no idea what mauve is.
  • 1. If it itches it will be scratched. We do that.
  • 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say `nothing. We will act
    like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not
    worth the hassle.
  • 1. If you ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to,
    expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  • 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
    fine….Really.
  • 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss such topics as rugby or cricket.
  • 1. You have enough clothes.
  • 1. You have too many shoes.
  • 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
  • 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the
    couch tonight, but did you know men really don mind that? It's like
    camping.

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